His Love Amazes Me

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is~His good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I am so thankful that God has a good, pleasing, and perfect will for my life. And I stand amazed at His grace, love, and faithfulness. The past month or 2 have been difficult. Michael and I have struggled with decisions concerning our adoption. First, we were praying for a baby. Period. We just wanted a baby. We were confident that God made us to love a baby. 2 and a half years...and no baby came. Then we prayed for adoption verses in vitro. When God said adoption, we prayed for international verses domestic. When God said domestic, we prayed for Him to tell us through which agency to adopt. And then God was silent. We waited and prayed. Being the analytic, researcher, control freak female that I am, I researched many different agencies and made contacts with people who have gone through the adoption process. I searched for all of the information I could gather just longing to hear His voice say, "This one." Michael, being the laid back male that he is says, "I'm ready! Just sign us up!" This posed a problem for a while as we couldn't quite decide what to do next.

And then there was the mental break down. Aren't we all entitled to one of those every now and then? Poor, unsuspecting Michael walked in from work one day to find his wife in the middle of a hot mess. I had adoption information papers everywhere. There were notes scribbled from where I had spoken to a few agencies on the phone, and 2 laptops with information abounding from both. I was completely, entirely, and utterly overwhelmed. I fell into his arms, and sobbed with frustration. "I just want a baby for us to love. Why is it this hard? Why does it cost so much? Why do we have to jump through so many steps? Why will we have to wait so long? Why are there so many different decisions to make? Why won't work give me sick leave to be off with an adopted child? Why is it that there are so many orphans in this world, and it seems so difficult for us to adopt one to love?" Poor Michael. What do you say to that? He didn't. He just hugged me and let me spill out. Needless to say, God picked me back up again.

I stand amazed at the people who God has used to encourage us throughout all of this. I have some of the very best, most supportive friends and family you could ever imagine. To all of you who have listened to me rant, prayed for us, and offered encouragement (you know who you are), I love you so much and thank God every day for using you to speak to me.

I have 2 really cool God experiences to share with you. Last week while driving to work, I was praying. God has told me multiple times (through a Sunday school lesson, through Michael and my bible study, and through my book club group) that I need to be better about being still and listening to Him rather than just ranting on and on in my prayers and never taking the time to be quiet and hear from Him. So I prayed for a short time, then I asked God to speak to me. Mind you, I'm in that somewhat frustrated stage I was speaking of earlier. I turned off the radio, and I was quiet waiting for God to speak. Off in the distance, I heard my phone jingle a text message, but I ignored it focused on my prayer. Probably just a Hanging with Friends alert or a text message telling me someone wasn't going to be at work today. When I pulled up to work, I checked my phone, and I had this message from a friend (a very sweet lady who I've spoken to once on the phone to hear about her personal adoption experience but who has never texted me before). It read, "Make sure you read 2/20 and 2/21 in the Streams in the Desert devotional that Mrs. Becky gave you. Praying for y'all." I rushed home that afternoon to see what it was that God wanted me to hear. Very encouraging words concerning patience, God's will for your life, and God's perfect timing....exactly what God needed me to hear at that time. I thanked her for thinking of me and letting God use her to speak to me. He really does speak to us!!!

Last week, I had dinner with 2 dear friends who God has blessed me with "for such a time as this". We talked for 2 and a half hours about different things going on in our lives. As always, they were very uplifting. At the end of dinner, we shared a few things that we would like the others to pray for specifically. I asked them to pray that God would release me of my fears and selfishness that I had been holding on which have been hindering our adoption journey. And to pray that I would be able to put all of my TRUST and FAITH in Him. I got home, and it was a pretty night. Michael and I sat outside on the swing and had one of our long "adoption talks". We decided that we have waited long enough, and it was time to get the paperwork started. Sometimes, God just wants us to ACT, especially when His will is so evident to both of us. Bethany Christian Services is the local agency that we have researched and heard good things about, so we would begin the paperwork process with them the next day! We decided that we would trust that God will take care of the rest...bringing us just the child He wants us to love. The only concern was money. The most recent number we read on Bethany's website for domestic adoption was $18,000. (sounds more like international adoption cost, doesn't it?) We have not yet been able to start our adoption savings fund as we have a small loan to pay off first. My wonderful, Dave Ramsey minded husband would prefer to have all of the money in savings to pay cash when the adoption goes through. What if we finish our home study, and amazingly we get a baby faster than expected, and we don't have the money ready? We decided that God would be faithful, and God would provide....especially since this is something that He has called us to do. We prayed and went to bed. When I got out of the shower the next morning, I had 5 text messages from a friend. Summary: "Last night, I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert at Broadmoor. He spoke of his 3 adopted children, and they played a video of some of the world's orphans. I cried through the whole video and felt God lay a heavy burden on my heart. I have signed up for a short term mission trip, but there is just such an overwhelming need, and I feel called to help in whatever small way I can. I know I can start with my dear friends who are wanting to adopt, so when the time comes, I want to give you and Michael a financial gift to help with the cost of adoption. Love y'all and what you are doing." WOW! God stopped me in my tracks. He said, "Trust me. I will provide. This is Me confirming your decision." The night before as Michael and I prayed for God to give us confirmation and discussed some of our concerns and fears, at that same time, He was speaking to my friend. God bless her for listening to Him. Even if the gift is 5 dollars, that was God saying, "I'm going to take care of you." It is AMAZING to receive that kind of confirmation.

Yesterday, we submitted our pre-application form to Bethany. We trust you, God. We are so excited to begin this journey to love one of your precious children.