Every Good and Perfect Gift is From Above

It's a GIRL!!! Our sweet Emma Grace Martin will be here March 1, 2013. We are beyond blessed! I am 19 weeks...almost half way there, and I feel wonderful.
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to share our story with our church. Our uncle/preacher called and said he was doing a sermon on waiting on God, and he thought our story would be a great example to share. Just wanted to share what I shared with the church.

I feel very inadequate and intimidated to try to sufficiently give God the praise and the glory that He is due. But Brother Steve asked me to share our story, so my prayer is that my words will glorify God and maybe help encourage some of you.

Michael and I got married here in this church about 5 ½ years ago. Just like most young married couples, we dreamed of a family.  We longed to have children (that’s probably an understatement…I was actually pretty obsessed with getting pregnant). We anxiously awaited my graduation from grad school, so we could begin our perfect little family in our perfect timing. But, we soon realized that our timing and God’s timing was not the same.

For almost 3 years, we struggled with infertility, and we were unable to get pregnant. We spent thousands of dollars, had multiple procedures and surgeries, took fertility medications, prayed a million prayers, and cried countless tears. I won’t lie…I hit a low point. I was discouraged, depressed, and I questioned God. I was mad at God. I dreaded going to baby showers and avoided the baby departments in the stores. I couldn’t understand why God would allow teenagers, prostitutes, and drug users to get pregnant but here we were doing everything right, living for Him, and He just wasn’t coming through for us.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, God, with His amazing grace and love for me, began to change my heart. I began to learn to trust Him and His plan for my life. I slowly began to turn over control to him and believe in my heart that His plan for me was better than my plan. For the first time in a while, I had hope. Our faith in Him strengthened and our marriage grew stronger. We began to see this “infertility curse” as a blessing as we watched God move in our lives. We became more involved in the church and dove into His word. In our hopeless situation, God gave us hope and a peace that transcends all understanding. We realized how truly blessed we were, and we thanked Him daily. God began to open our hearts to adoption, and although I was resistant at first because it was hard for me to let go of my lifelong dream of bearing a child, He eventually got my heart 100% on board, and we dove into the adoption process with a new found purpose. We had finally discovered God’s will for us, and we were beyond excited! We had waited almost 3 years to figure this out and would now probably wait another 2 years throughout the complicated adoption process.

The bible says that good things come to those who wait on the Lord.

          On June 25^th, 2012, we experienced God’s amazing grace on a whole new level when we discovered that we were pregnant. I fell to my knees and cried out to God in thanksgiving. We were focused on the adoption and had decided to get off the fertility meds, and BAM, God got us pregnant. In HIS perfect timing, in HIS perfect plan, once He had opened our eyes to HIS perfect will for us. We were so completely overwhelmed by His love and sovereignty.

          For so long, as we waited on the Lord, I questioned Him. It’s so crazy for us to actually think that we could know better than Him. But so often, in our impatience, we forget that God knows EVERYTHING. He can see things that we are blind to. Looking back on it, it is so clear to us why God had us wait. First and foremost, He wanted to draw us closer to Him and have us depend on Him in a way we never had before. In addition, our marriage and love for each other only grew stronger. He gave us a testimony that we can share with and encourage others. We went on our first foreign mission trip that drastically changed our lives forever (that we never would have gone on had we gotten pregnant when we had wanted to). And finally, He opened our hearts up to adoption, something that sadly I probably never would have considered had He not brought us through this journey. We plan on following through with God’s calling and adopting a child once this baby is born. Only God could have known all that He could do in us while we waited on Him.

Last week we sat in our doctor’s office holding a sonogram picture of our beautiful miracle baby, a gift from God. For those of you who don’t know, pregnant women can be slightly emotional at times. I stared at the picture in disbelief, and I cried the ugly cry. I sobbed to Michael, “I just don’t understand why God would do this for us. I feel so undeserving. I just don’t see why He would give us this gift.” My husband’s simple and perfect response, “because He loves us”. Love is the answer for everything. Why did He die on the cross for us? Because He loves us. Why does He give us heart ache and trials and make us wait for what we want right then? Because He loves us. Why on earth does the God of the universe continue to give us amazing grace? Because he loves us.

Thank you for letting me share our story.

God's Amazing Grace

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22

I feel very intimidated and inadequate to sit down and write this blog post. I feel as if there is no possible way that I can begin to bring the proper thanksgiving, praise, and glory to God that is due Him. I have been praying about this post and what to say, and I came across this verse in Matthew 10:19. Thankfully, I am not under arrest like the context it is used in. "Do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will speak through me in this post.

I recently heard someone define grace as getting something you don't deserve. God has obviously already magnificently displayed His amazing grace in giving us the ultimate gift of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ. We do not deserve salvation. We are sinners, and we deserve death. But, through His grace, we are made whole and we are saved. Nothing else can compare to that undeserving gift. Through God's grace, He has also given me a loving husband and family, wonderful friends, an amazing church family, a job, a house, my health, and many other countless things. On June 25th, 2012, Michael and I yet again experienced God's grace in a way like never before...

While in Colorado visiting my parents, I came down with a nasty virus. When we arrived home, I immediately went to the doctor. He gave me an antibiotic and a steroid instructing me not to take the steroid if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I told him I had been infertile for 3 years so it was highly unlikely, but I would make sure before taking the drug. When I got home, I peed on what must have been the 100th pregnancy test I've taken. As I've mentioned before, I pretty much keep the pregnancy test stock in business. You're welcome if you are a shareholder. Not thinking much of it, I left it in the bathroom and went and ate my lunch. I have become numb to pregnancy test results after years of heartbreak. Not even preparing myself for the bad news to come, I took a peek and before discarding it took a long second look. There was an extremely faint 2nd line. So faint that I was convinced my eyes were playing tricks on me or the test was defective. I placed it on a shelf in the cabinet and went on with my day. I was not about to tell Michael news that was false or inaccurate and get his hopes up. The next day after work, I bought one of those really good, fancy pregnancy tests. All I had were the cheapo $1 dollar store tests. This is what you must resort to in order to keep food on the table when you went through them at the rate I did. I came home, took the fancy, smancy preg test, and fell to my knees sobbing. It was positive. A definite positive. It is all kind of a blur, but I do remember being on the bathroom floor on my knees with my hands held up to heaven sobbing "Thank you. Thank you, God." over and over and over. I simply could not understand why He had chosen to give us such a gift that we are so undeserving of. Why or how could He possibly love us that much? God extends His amazing grace.

I texted Michael and asked when he'd be getting home. He said he was working late, and it would be about another hour. NOOOOOO!!!!! Longest hour of my life. Wisely, I spent the hour standing at the front door staring out the window waiting to see his car (cause that made it go by much faster) with an occasional trip back to the bathroom to double check the test. The tears continued to pour. There was just no stopping them. He finally arrived. Trying to hide my tear stained face, we made small talk for a couple minutes about our days before I asked him to come with me to the bedroom. We sat down on the edge of the bed, and I asked him to pray with me. He could feel my hands shaking as he held them, and a begin to cry as I called out to our Father. I will spare you all of the details of this personal prayer, but in summary I thanked God for our infertility and for opening our hearts up to adoption. And then I thanked him for the tiny miracle baby that was growing inside of me. I heard Michael whisper, "What?" I quickly finished so I could look up at Michael, "I pray that you will watch over this child and that we will raise this child for your glory. Amen." I looked up into my husband's teary eyes, and we hugged each other so tightly I hope it did not cause any harm to the baby. :-) Together we rejoiced, and together we praised God.

No one can truly understand God's ways or reasons because He is SOOO much bigger and wiser than us. But, I have some suspicions as to some of the work He has done in all of this. First of all, adoption. If you have read this blog, you know our hearts for adoption. You also know that that has not always been my heart. God had to bring me to that place. If God had given me a baby when I thought it was time and when I asked for one, sadly, I don't think I would have ever considered adoption on my own. God had to bring us through this struggle to get us there. Like I said before Michael was there long before I was, and I truly believe that God was waiting for my heart to be on board 100% before giving us this gift. Within 5 minutes of sharing the news with Michael, I asked him, "Do you still want to adopt?" "Yes" he replied without hesitation, "Do you?" "Yes" I could say with absolute certainty. We know that God has a child for us to adopt, and we will follow His will for us in this journey. We have spoken to Bethany Christian Services, and they can put our account on hold, so we can pick up right where we left off with them after this baby is born. We are SO excited to see what God is going to do!

Here are 3 additional really cool "God things". We got pregnant my first month off of the fertility meds. It's like God was saying, "I don't need your help. I got this." I had been having some discomfort, and we had really shifted our focus from our infertility to the adoption, so Michael suggested that I just get off of the meds and give my body a break. Well, sure enough, God got us pregnant on His own...no drugs needed. Secondly, our fertility doctor was starting to push in vitro. They had told us that we were the perfect candidates, and they were certain that they could get us pregnant through in vitro. Now was the time while we were still young and the percentages were in our favor. They are such wonderful people, and they saw our desire, and they wanted to get us pregnant so badly.  I was very tempted to do in vitro. Michael was not. We prayed about it and collectively decided that that was not what God was calling us to do at the time. He was CLEARLY calling us to adopt. They only do in vitro 4 times a year. The month they were wanting to get us signed up for was June. The month before you do in vitro you are on birth control to regulate your hormones. If we had intentionally gone against what God was telling us, we would have been on birth control the month we conceived. Tell me God doesn't know what He's doing. Lastly, I had been having some bad pain and bloating for a couple of months. Come to find out on our first sonogram, I had a cantaloupe size ovarian cyst! Had I gone to the doctor to get the pain checked out at any time, they would have done an ultrasound and discovered the cyst. Guess how they fix ovarian cysts in women who aren't pregnant? You guessed it...birth control. Thankful that I did not go in to get it checked out. God knew what He was doing all along. If you are going through something where you just don't understand God's reasons, I urge you to TRUST HIM. He knows what He's doing. Things don't always happen our way and in our time, and with God in control, it is ALWAYS better that way. He knows. You just have to trust Him.

We are 12 weeks pregnant and praising God without ceasing. We got a good report at the doctor this week. The baby's growth and heart rate were perfect, and my cyst which had been growing every visit for 4 weeks began to shrink. Surgery was a possibility for the cyst which is scary when a baby is involved so we have been praying so hard for God to shrink it. We know that all things are possible through Him. At the last appointment, the cyst had shrunk by over half! When we were alone in the room waiting on the doctor, I was crying so overwhelmed with joy. I told Michael that I just didn't understand why God would do this for us? We don't deserve this. Why has He given us this child and now shrinking this cyst? I just don't get it. Michael's simple and perfect response, "Because He loves us." Love is the answer for everything. Why did He die on the cross for us? Because He loves us. Why does He give us heartache and trials? Because He loves us. Why on earth does the God of the universe continue to give us amazing grace? Because He loves us.

Let's get it started!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you."  -Deuteronomy 31:6

We are so happy to announce that the ball is finally rolling! After almost 3 years of infertility and about 9 months of fervent prayer concerning our adoption, God has helped us with some big decisions and blessed us with a peace that surpasses all understanding. I just wanted to share a little bit about where we are in the process and how things work in Mississippi and through Bethany Christian Services.

A couple of months ago, we filled out a preliminary application online and mailed in our individual testimonies and statement of faith along with the pre-application fee. Once that is received, Bethany requires you to attend an informational meeting before proceeding with the formal application. On April 13th, we drove to Hattiesburg to attend the meeting. We got a lot of good information about adopting and about the process through Bethany.

The most interesting thing we learned gave me a lot of peace about some of my fears with domestic adoption. The birth mother is counseled through Bethany, and she is given profiles of couples who are wanting to adopt. The birth mother picks you from the profiles. We learned that not to long ago, people who were wanting to adopt could go to the hospital and pick a baby out that looked like them or that they liked the best. If they took the child home and didn't bond with them, they could bring them back and switch them out! Isn't that crazy?!? I couldn't imagine saying, "Nah, we don't really like this one. I think we'll go switch it out for another!" So, I knew that the birth mom picked you. But from there I assumed that you kind of went through the pregnancy with her being informed about appointments, the baby's gender, the due date, etc... Then I thought we would be at the hospital for the birth, and then there would be that scary period of "What if she changes her mind, and this baby who I've been thinking is mine for 9 months is taken from me?" It is a very selfish fear because if the birth mother were to change her mind, then that would be a blessing to her and the child, and a family would remain together the way that God intended. But then we would be heart broken. In Mississippi, there is a 72 hour law. The birth mother has 72 hours to sign away her legal rights to the child. At that time, the child is in Bethany's custody. Bethany also pursues the father and takes whatever legal action is necessary to nullify the rights of the father as well. So, the way Bethany does it is that they do not alert the adopting parents that they have a child until the paperwork is signed, and the child is in Bethany's custody. So basically, a birth mom will pick us, and we will never know it until we get a call one day saying we have your child! Isn't that crazy? We could just be out working in the yard one day and receive a call telling us that we are parents! I was put at ease by this news because I feel like I am protected from heartache and that fear of "losing" a baby. Michael was a little apprehensive when he learned of this just because of the unpredictability of it. He thinks I'm going to want him to have a nursery painted and decorated in a matter of 30 minutes from getting the phone call! Like I would ever do that... ;-) The social worker said some parents choose to have a nursery ready and waiting, but for some people that is too hard, and they opt to have friends and family on standby to go out and get all of the necessities when the phone call is received. We haven't decided yet what we are going to do...maybe a little bit of both.

Michael and I have been praying a lot about and for our future child. We have had hours and hours of conversation about raising an adopted child with each other, friends, family, and church members. We have tried very consciously to open our hearts up to the Holy Spirit and make all of our decisions based on what He is telling us to do rather than what the world tells us to do. We decided together that we are going to be open to any child of any race or ethnicity. God does not see color. Why should we? We do not want to limit what God can do by placing specifications on what kind of child we will accept to love and cherish. We understand that not everyone would make this same decision, and that is okay, but we are just following what God has told US to do. Through Bethany, it takes 2-4 years to adopt a Caucasian infant. When the social worker was asked, "What about an African American infant?", she replied, "Tomorrow". It is obvious where the need is greatest. It would be very hard for us to to stand in line for 3 years to adopt the "type of child" who everyone is waiting for when there are children who need us right then and there. How could we say to them, "No, you're not the one we want." We simply can't. God has called us to adopt and James 1:27 says, "Pure and genuine religion in the eyes of God the Father is caring for the widows and orphans in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."  We want to care for the orphan who needs us the most. And we refuse to be corrupted by the fact that the world and Mississippi in particular sees color. We know that it will be hard at times, and we will face persecution, but the bible says that you will be persecuted when you follow Christ. I read Matthew 5:10-12 this morning, and God gave me comfort in that. Surprisingly, one of the negative responses that we get the most is people who say, "I would just feel so sorry for the child. Never really knowing where they fit in and being picked on because their parents are a different color." Our response to that is we are pretty sure that being raised in a loving and Christian home with us as their parents is going to be a pretty wonderful life....much better than any alternatives they might face. Kids are going to be picked on regardless and people will ask us questions, but we will teach our children to respond the way Jesus would want them to. Bottom line is that I could sit here and explain our reasons all day long, but I don't need to. This is what God has called us to do, and we are overwhelmed with excitement as we follow God's will for our lives. One of my biggest prayers is that I will be able to let go of the need to explain myself to everyone. I guess when they ask, I could just reference James 1:27 and move on.

So...we completed our formal adoption application and paid the first big fee. It only took us 3 nights to complete it! I guess they do need to know pretty much everything about us. Now we await our home study. The home study will take about 3 months and will include meetings together and separately with our social worker and a home visit. It is basically them just getting to know us. Hope they like us! :-) Once our home study is complete, we will attend an all day class/meeting, and our name will be on the list awaiting a child!

Thank you for going through this journey with us! Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, support, and love. I would ask that you please begin to pray for our child and the birth mother. It's crazy to think that our baby could be in the womb right now. What is even more amazing is that before God created the World, He had already chosen this child for us. He already designated this path for us. There is incredible comfort and strength in that truth. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

My Testimony

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, the will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:31

I wanted to share my testimony that I wrote to submit to Bethany for our initial application. Some of it might be redundant for those of you who have read the blog. This is the first time that I've written my testimony. I've always said I didn't have much of a testimony. God has changed that.

My Testimony

By: Kim Martin

What does it mean to really know Christ? It’s taken me almost thirty years to truly figure it out, but I’d like to tell you a little bit about my story. I grew up in the Catholic Church. My mom took me and my sister to church and Sunday school every Sunday. I never really wanted to go, and honestly, the highlight of my Sunday morning was the stop at the donut store on the way home from church. I went through the motions, and I was mostly there under Mom’s strict orders.

In high school, my faith grew stronger as I began searching for answers. I had a close group of friends who I started a bible study with. When I was fifteen, I went through confirmation, and that is when I was saved. I made the personal decision then to invite Christ into my heart and accept His gift of salvation. During the summer before I left for college, I read the New Testament, and my faith was more solid than ever. I believed strongly in God, but I was lacking knowledge in some of the key components of Christianity. I memorized bible verses and prayed before I went to sleep most nights, but now looking back, I realize that my relationship with Christ was more superficial rather than the deep, spiritual communion He desires to have with us. Throughout high school and college, I would describe my faith as a roller coaster…high and low with ups and downs.

In college, I met the man of my dreams. He was genuinely the nicest person I had ever met, and I quickly fell in love with him. We had many “God talks”, and we went to church together, but we also had nights of fun and partying. Knowing what I know now, I realize that we were both a little lost, and God had brought us to each other to ultimately grow up together in Him. Michael is, without a doubt, the biggest blessing God has ever given me other than His only Son. In March of 2007, I married my best friend, and we vowed to put God at the center of our marriage.

We went to Meadow Grove Baptist Church where we got married and where Michael’s uncle preaches. We attended church every Sunday, but we were quick to sneak in and out without really diving into all the church has to offer. We were selfish and a little intimidated to jump right in and get involved. We went to Meadow Grove almost 5 years before we really WENT to Meadow Grove.

And then just when you think your life is just about perfect, God turns it upside down. I had never really faced any hardships throughout my life. In fact, things usually went exactly the way I planned. I had the most wonderful family and friends, pursuing the profession of my dreams, the perfect husband, good health…there was only one thing lacking in my little American dream. Ever since I was old enough to understand, I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world. In my perfect fairytale, I would get married then we would start our family about 2 years later. Let’s just say, God had different plans for us. Our infertility broke my heart in two. I cried almost every night, and there were times when I was angry with God. We spent unlimited time, money, and resources trying to get pregnant. It was during this time, that God began to change us both and draw us in closer to Him. For the first time in my life, I had to trust and depend on God in a way I never had before.

Michael and I began praying and doing bible studies together. We officially joined the church in August of 2010 and got involved in Sunday school and missions. I was baptized in front of my church on my 28^th birthday renewing the commitment I made when I was fifteen and following the example that Christ set in Matthew 3:13-17. It was an incredible feeling coming up out of the water knowing that my sins were washed away with Jesus’s blood, and God had given me the gift of eternal life through His Son, Jesus. My preacher said he was proud of me for being brave and demonstrating that baptism was not just for children. We both knew it was so much more than that. We attend church and Sunday school every Sunday along with every activity or speaker associated with the Orphan Ministry. I am involved in a women’s Christian book club, and we participate in local missions. We have come to realize the true meaning of the church that was established under Jesus’s instruction.

In March of 2011, Michael and I went on a mission trip to Honduras, and it changed my life forever. God taught me so much on that trip, and my love for Him and His people magnified to new bounds. Up to that point, I had been consumed with my infertility and my selfish desires. I left Honduras consumed with and full of something else…the Holy Spirit. God began to give me a peace that I had never felt before as I slowly began to relinquish control of my life to Him. How could I have ever thought that my plans were better than His? How could I have ever been mad at Him for not giving me what I wanted? I know now that God has a much bigger and better plan for me that I never could have dreamed up myself. I love Him and trust Him like I never have before. Throughout this “curse” of infertility, God has given me the meaningful relationship with Him that I have been in search of for 15 years. That gift is the best gift of all.

Throughout our infertility, God has opened our hearts to adoption. And I’m certain it’s God because it’s something I never would have imagined on my own. The fact that I’ve come to this point, and I have such a peace that transcends all understanding verifies that only God could have brought me here. And He continues to confirm this decision daily. I am amazed at His love and promises as I realize the transformation that has occurred in us over the past 3 years. I am so excited to know that God has a child out there that He has made or is making for us to love. We will raise our children in a home where God is glorified every day of the week, not just at church on Sundays. We will pray with them, teach scripture, take them on mission trips, have bible studies, be involved in the church, and most importantly, we will set a godly example for them. We know that He is entrusting one of His precious children to us, and we refuse to fail Him.

I find particular encouragement and confirmation through Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-6, and Romans 12:2. I have memorized these verses, and I hold them very close to my heart. I find comfort and strength in knowing that God has a perfect plan for my life, and if I put all my trust and faith in Him, He will reveal His good, pleasing, and perfect will to me. Now that He has revealed His will for our family, we are so excited to see where He leads us. God teaches us to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength, to love others, and to glorify Him in all that we do. Throughout our adoption, we are confident that we are living out God’s will for us, and we have never been so happy.

His Love Amazes Me

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is~His good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I am so thankful that God has a good, pleasing, and perfect will for my life. And I stand amazed at His grace, love, and faithfulness. The past month or 2 have been difficult. Michael and I have struggled with decisions concerning our adoption. First, we were praying for a baby. Period. We just wanted a baby. We were confident that God made us to love a baby. 2 and a half years...and no baby came. Then we prayed for adoption verses in vitro. When God said adoption, we prayed for international verses domestic. When God said domestic, we prayed for Him to tell us through which agency to adopt. And then God was silent. We waited and prayed. Being the analytic, researcher, control freak female that I am, I researched many different agencies and made contacts with people who have gone through the adoption process. I searched for all of the information I could gather just longing to hear His voice say, "This one." Michael, being the laid back male that he is says, "I'm ready! Just sign us up!" This posed a problem for a while as we couldn't quite decide what to do next.

And then there was the mental break down. Aren't we all entitled to one of those every now and then? Poor, unsuspecting Michael walked in from work one day to find his wife in the middle of a hot mess. I had adoption information papers everywhere. There were notes scribbled from where I had spoken to a few agencies on the phone, and 2 laptops with information abounding from both. I was completely, entirely, and utterly overwhelmed. I fell into his arms, and sobbed with frustration. "I just want a baby for us to love. Why is it this hard? Why does it cost so much? Why do we have to jump through so many steps? Why will we have to wait so long? Why are there so many different decisions to make? Why won't work give me sick leave to be off with an adopted child? Why is it that there are so many orphans in this world, and it seems so difficult for us to adopt one to love?" Poor Michael. What do you say to that? He didn't. He just hugged me and let me spill out. Needless to say, God picked me back up again.

I stand amazed at the people who God has used to encourage us throughout all of this. I have some of the very best, most supportive friends and family you could ever imagine. To all of you who have listened to me rant, prayed for us, and offered encouragement (you know who you are), I love you so much and thank God every day for using you to speak to me.

I have 2 really cool God experiences to share with you. Last week while driving to work, I was praying. God has told me multiple times (through a Sunday school lesson, through Michael and my bible study, and through my book club group) that I need to be better about being still and listening to Him rather than just ranting on and on in my prayers and never taking the time to be quiet and hear from Him. So I prayed for a short time, then I asked God to speak to me. Mind you, I'm in that somewhat frustrated stage I was speaking of earlier. I turned off the radio, and I was quiet waiting for God to speak. Off in the distance, I heard my phone jingle a text message, but I ignored it focused on my prayer. Probably just a Hanging with Friends alert or a text message telling me someone wasn't going to be at work today. When I pulled up to work, I checked my phone, and I had this message from a friend (a very sweet lady who I've spoken to once on the phone to hear about her personal adoption experience but who has never texted me before). It read, "Make sure you read 2/20 and 2/21 in the Streams in the Desert devotional that Mrs. Becky gave you. Praying for y'all." I rushed home that afternoon to see what it was that God wanted me to hear. Very encouraging words concerning patience, God's will for your life, and God's perfect timing....exactly what God needed me to hear at that time. I thanked her for thinking of me and letting God use her to speak to me. He really does speak to us!!!

Last week, I had dinner with 2 dear friends who God has blessed me with "for such a time as this". We talked for 2 and a half hours about different things going on in our lives. As always, they were very uplifting. At the end of dinner, we shared a few things that we would like the others to pray for specifically. I asked them to pray that God would release me of my fears and selfishness that I had been holding on which have been hindering our adoption journey. And to pray that I would be able to put all of my TRUST and FAITH in Him. I got home, and it was a pretty night. Michael and I sat outside on the swing and had one of our long "adoption talks". We decided that we have waited long enough, and it was time to get the paperwork started. Sometimes, God just wants us to ACT, especially when His will is so evident to both of us. Bethany Christian Services is the local agency that we have researched and heard good things about, so we would begin the paperwork process with them the next day! We decided that we would trust that God will take care of the rest...bringing us just the child He wants us to love. The only concern was money. The most recent number we read on Bethany's website for domestic adoption was $18,000. (sounds more like international adoption cost, doesn't it?) We have not yet been able to start our adoption savings fund as we have a small loan to pay off first. My wonderful, Dave Ramsey minded husband would prefer to have all of the money in savings to pay cash when the adoption goes through. What if we finish our home study, and amazingly we get a baby faster than expected, and we don't have the money ready? We decided that God would be faithful, and God would provide....especially since this is something that He has called us to do. We prayed and went to bed. When I got out of the shower the next morning, I had 5 text messages from a friend. Summary: "Last night, I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert at Broadmoor. He spoke of his 3 adopted children, and they played a video of some of the world's orphans. I cried through the whole video and felt God lay a heavy burden on my heart. I have signed up for a short term mission trip, but there is just such an overwhelming need, and I feel called to help in whatever small way I can. I know I can start with my dear friends who are wanting to adopt, so when the time comes, I want to give you and Michael a financial gift to help with the cost of adoption. Love y'all and what you are doing." WOW! God stopped me in my tracks. He said, "Trust me. I will provide. This is Me confirming your decision." The night before as Michael and I prayed for God to give us confirmation and discussed some of our concerns and fears, at that same time, He was speaking to my friend. God bless her for listening to Him. Even if the gift is 5 dollars, that was God saying, "I'm going to take care of you." It is AMAZING to receive that kind of confirmation.

Yesterday, we submitted our pre-application form to Bethany. We trust you, God. We are so excited to begin this journey to love one of your precious children.

Waiting on a Word from Him

It's been a while since my last post. Crazy busy at the Martin home! Let me catch you up. We closed on our new home November 30 and within about 2 weeks, we had everything unpacked, boxes gone, pictures hung, Christmas tree up, and ready for visitors! What a whirlwind! December was jam packed with many blessings including our new home, Christmas shopping, Christmas parties, hosting the Martin Family Christmas, a spend the night visit from my BFF from Birmingham, hosting all of my PT school friends for a Welcome Home Party for our great friends coming home from Uganda, Christmas Day with Michael's family, lunch in Vicksburg with 2 of my dearest friends, and hosting my wonderful family for 5 days at New Years (including a surprise visit from my sister!). It was a wonderful month to say the least! I rang in 2012 with a vicious stomach virus followed up by a nasty cold, but I must say I couldn't be happier!

Over the past couple of years, big holidays like Christmas and New Years have been hard on me. It seems like I would always catch myself saying, "Well, SURELY, by this time next year we will have a baby or at least be pregnant!" Then, it would be Christmas again and still no baby and still no positive pregnancy test. It's hard to believe that 3 Christmases have passed with that longing desire lingering in our hearts. I would catch myself getting lost in watching the children open their presents, hearing their squeals and laughter, longing to have a part in the joy with a child of our own. I would feel so sorry for myself and get in the car and cry the whole way home to our empty house. This Christmas was different. Although the desire is still in my heart and stronger than ever, I am at peace. I know we will have a child soon. I have never been so sure of anything. At the urging of our church, Michael and I read the bible through in 2011. Believe it or not, this was the first time I have ever read the bible in its entirety. I have started the task many times, but I always seemed to get bogged down in Leviticus or Numbers and fizzle out. With God's help, I made it through this year, and I'm so thankful. During my very last week of my daily bible readings, God slapped me across the face again. This is what He said...
"I am GOD. At the right time, I'll make it happen." (Isaiah 60 of The Message)
Isn't that powerful? I know we will have a child because God Himself gave me this desire that nearly has me bursting at the seems with love overflowing to pour out on a child. He gave me this desire, and HE is GOD. At the right time, His time, He WILL make it happen. As I give friends and family the tour of our new home and we come across the empty 4th bedroom, I proudly exclaim, "This IS the nursery." I don't say, "This will be the nursery if we ever have children" like I used to say in our old house. Because I now know with confidence that we will have children....God's children.

Michael and I are still awaiting a word from God concerning our adoption. We are still praying about domestic verses international adoption, and we discuss it daily, but God has yet to give us a confirming word. It is very overwhelming when trying to choose where to adopt from because we want to be sure to get the exact child that God has picked out for us. For this reason, we know we cannot make the decision in hast or on our own. We want to be sure it comes from Him. We jokingly say that we wish our doorbell would ring one night, and we would find a baby in a basket sitting on our doorstep with a note from God saying this is the one. :-) But, we also know that a part of this whole journey is God drawing us closer to Him and building a reliance on Him that we've never known before. I smile as I think of all that God has already accomplished in us during this "curse" of infertility. He knows exactly what He is doing, and for that, I am thankful.

In our desperation to hear His voice concerning our adoption, we are together doing the "Discerning the Voice of God" bible study by Priscilla Shirer. This week we have learned:

1. To anticipate the voice of God. We must expect to hear from Him.
"I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart: And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me." Habakkuk 2:1

2. To wait patiently to hear God's voice (something I am struggling with right now as I am ready to get the process started!)
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:14

3. To plan to obey it. Once we hear God, we must obey Him.
"Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man."
Matthew 7:24

4. To listen for it. We can't do all of the talking in prayer. We must listen for Him to speak.
"As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut! He is in heaven, and you are only here on Earth. So let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:1-2

5. To have faith in it. Believe that what God tells you is best. Have faith in Him.
"The word they heard did not profit them because it was not united by faith in those who heard."
Hebrews 4:2

Good stuff, isn't it? I would ask that you would please pray for us as we are longing to determine God's path for us in the adoption process. We know that it is a long, sometimes hard road, and we are ready to get started. We have been investigating different adoption agencies, but we will not choose our agency until we know where we will be adopting from. I'm hoping that in my next post, I will be able to tell you where we will be going to bring our baby home!

We are Adopted

"Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love, He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His Will." -Ephesians 1:4-5

What a powerful verse! To think that God adopted all of us as His children through sending His son to die for us...that's just unimaginable! Here we are pondering over and praying over the adoption of one or two children, and our God adopted ALL of us!

I love the way David Platt puts it in the Foreward of the book Orphanology... "The gospel and adoption are beautifully woven together by the gracious hand of God. In Christ, God has shown His love to us as our Father. He has reached down His hand of mercy to us in the loneliness of our sin, and He has raised us up as members of His family. Consequently, one of the clearest displays of the gospel in this life is when redeemed men and women extend a hand of mercy to children in need and bring them into their families."

I have started reading Orphanology. For anyone considering adopting, I highly recommend this book. In the first chapter, the authors point out 8 similarities about God's adoption of us and our adoption of children. I won't list them all out here, but it is very cool to read about the similarities. Examples include, adoption is costly. For us, it will be very expensive (in dollars). For God, it was even pricier (in the blood of His only Son). Another example listed is adoption transforms the child in every way. While our child will be transformed by our love for them and our carefully planned out way in which we will raise them, as children of God, we are completely and radically transformed by His ultimate goal of making us more like Him. Until I began reading this book, I had never made the correlation between earthly adoption and our Father's adoption of us. But I must say, it is really cool!

So...here we are, considering adopting a child. I must say I never thought I would be here. But, then again, if things were going according to my plan, I'd have a 16 month old and another being born tomorrow. It is just so nice that I have finally gotten to a place where I trust that His plan is better than mine. It's a peaceful place to be. For so long, I didn't even consult God. I trusted in MY plan. I knew that my plan was best. Kinda like Sarah knew that her plan was best when after 10 years of infertility, she let her husband sleep with her maid to conceive a child. (I mean...what the heck was she thinking?) Was this the child from which a great nation was born? No, it was from Abraham and Sarah's child, Isaac. Sarah got tired of waiting (boy can I relate to that feeling!) and decided to take matters into her own hands rather than trusting in God. For the last 2 years, I have tried to control the situation. I'm ready to hand it over to Him and trust that my Father who adopted me knows what is best for me.

God has opened our hearts to adoption. Now what? It is a very overwhelming, kind of scary crossroad. We are currently praying about domestic adoption verses international adoption. We are waiting to hear from God on this. I am somewhat pulled toward international adoption, but not for the right reason. I feel that with international adoption there would be a much smaller chance of having my baby taken away from me. It sounds awful, but I'm scared to death of the mother or a family member coming back and finding loopholes in the system to take back their (my) child. What happens when our child wants to meet their birth mom? What if our child chooses to leave us to go back to their birth mom? These are my selfish fears. I know I need to trust God, and this is something that I am currently praying through. Michael, on the other hand, is more led towards domestic adoption. He feels that there are so many children right here in our state, even in our city, who need us. Why go across the world to get one? Not that there is anything wrong with that. After all, we are ALL God's children. I think both options are great, and we are awaiting a confirming word from Him. Please feel free to leave comments or opinions on this issue. We would love to hear your thoughts!

It is still hard at times. I still stare longingly at the baby aisles as we walk through Target. I lose myself in watching a child at the table across from us at Newks. Every now and then, a pang of jealously shoots through me when I pass by a pregnant woman at the grocery store. I long to carry a child. I long to be a mother. It is so wonderful to know that God will fulfill at least the latter of those 2 desires. Because I know and believe with all of my heart that the God who loves me and adopted me into His kingdom desires for me to love and adopt one of His precious children into my home. After all, I'm thankful He adopted me. Why not share that gift?