"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6
We are so happy to announce that the ball is finally rolling! After almost 3 years of infertility and about 9 months of fervent prayer concerning our adoption, God has helped us with some big decisions and blessed us with a peace that surpasses all understanding. I just wanted to share a little bit about where we are in the process and how things work in Mississippi and through Bethany Christian Services.
A couple of months ago, we filled out a preliminary application online and mailed in our individual testimonies and statement of faith along with the pre-application fee. Once that is received, Bethany requires you to attend an informational meeting before proceeding with the formal application. On April 13th, we drove to Hattiesburg to attend the meeting. We got a lot of good information about adopting and about the process through Bethany.
The most interesting thing we learned gave me a lot of peace about some of my fears with domestic adoption. The birth mother is counseled through Bethany, and she is given profiles of couples who are wanting to adopt. The birth mother picks you from the profiles. We learned that not to long ago, people who were wanting to adopt could go to the hospital and pick a baby out that looked like them or that they liked the best. If they took the child home and didn't bond with them, they could bring them back and switch them out! Isn't that crazy?!? I couldn't imagine saying, "Nah, we don't really like this one. I think we'll go switch it out for another!" So, I knew that the birth mom picked you. But from there I assumed that you kind of went through the pregnancy with her being informed about appointments, the baby's gender, the due date, etc... Then I thought we would be at the hospital for the birth, and then there would be that scary period of "What if she changes her mind, and this baby who I've been thinking is mine for 9 months is taken from me?" It is a very selfish fear because if the birth mother were to change her mind, then that would be a blessing to her and the child, and a family would remain together the way that God intended. But then we would be heart broken. In Mississippi, there is a 72 hour law. The birth mother has 72 hours to sign away her legal rights to the child. At that time, the child is in Bethany's custody. Bethany also pursues the father and takes whatever legal action is necessary to nullify the rights of the father as well. So, the way Bethany does it is that they do not alert the adopting parents that they have a child until the paperwork is signed, and the child is in Bethany's custody. So basically, a birth mom will pick us, and we will never know it until we get a call one day saying we have your child! Isn't that crazy? We could just be out working in the yard one day and receive a call telling us that we are parents! I was put at ease by this news because I feel like I am protected from heartache and that fear of "losing" a baby. Michael was a little apprehensive when he learned of this just because of the unpredictability of it. He thinks I'm going to want him to have a nursery painted and decorated in a matter of 30 minutes from getting the phone call! Like I would ever do that... ;-) The social worker said some parents choose to have a nursery ready and waiting, but for some people that is too hard, and they opt to have friends and family on standby to go out and get all of the necessities when the phone call is received. We haven't decided yet what we are going to do...maybe a little bit of both.
Michael and I have been praying a lot about and for our future child. We have had hours and hours of conversation about raising an adopted child with each other, friends, family, and church members. We have tried very consciously to open our hearts up to the Holy Spirit and make all of our decisions based on what He is telling us to do rather than what the world tells us to do. We decided together that we are going to be open to any child of any race or ethnicity. God does not see color. Why should we? We do not want to limit what God can do by placing specifications on what kind of child we will accept to love and cherish. We understand that not everyone would make this same decision, and that is okay, but we are just following what God has told US to do. Through Bethany, it takes 2-4 years to adopt a Caucasian infant. When the social worker was asked, "What about an African American infant?", she replied, "Tomorrow". It is obvious where the need is greatest. It would be very hard for us to to stand in line for 3 years to adopt the "type of child" who everyone is waiting for when there are children who need us right then and there. How could we say to them, "No, you're not the one we want." We simply can't. God has called us to adopt and James 1:27 says, "Pure and genuine religion in the eyes of God the Father is caring for the widows and orphans in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." We want to care for the orphan who needs us the most. And we refuse to be corrupted by the fact that the world and Mississippi in particular sees color. We know that it will be hard at times, and we will face persecution, but the bible says that you will be persecuted when you follow Christ. I read Matthew 5:10-12 this morning, and God gave me comfort in that. Surprisingly, one of the negative responses that we get the most is people who say, "I would just feel so sorry for the child. Never really knowing where they fit in and being picked on because their parents are a different color." Our response to that is we are pretty sure that being raised in a loving and Christian home with us as their parents is going to be a pretty wonderful life....much better than any alternatives they might face. Kids are going to be picked on regardless and people will ask us questions, but we will teach our children to respond the way Jesus would want them to. Bottom line is that I could sit here and explain our reasons all day long, but I don't need to. This is what God has called us to do, and we are overwhelmed with excitement as we follow God's will for our lives. One of my biggest prayers is that I will be able to let go of the need to explain myself to everyone. I guess when they ask, I could just reference James 1:27 and move on.
So...we completed our formal adoption application and paid the first big fee. It only took us 3 nights to complete it! I guess they do need to know pretty much everything about us. Now we await our home study. The home study will take about 3 months and will include meetings together and separately with our social worker and a home visit. It is basically them just getting to know us. Hope they like us! :-) Once our home study is complete, we will attend an all day class/meeting, and our name will be on the list awaiting a child!
Thank you for going through this journey with us! Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, support, and love. I would ask that you please begin to pray for our child and the birth mother. It's crazy to think that our baby could be in the womb right now. What is even more amazing is that before God created the World, He had already chosen this child for us. He already designated this path for us. There is incredible comfort and strength in that truth. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
