It's been a while since my last post. Crazy busy at the Martin home! Let me catch you up. We closed on our new home November 30 and within about 2 weeks, we had everything unpacked, boxes gone, pictures hung, Christmas tree up, and ready for visitors! What a whirlwind! December was jam packed with many blessings including our new home, Christmas shopping, Christmas parties, hosting the Martin Family Christmas, a spend the night visit from my BFF from Birmingham, hosting all of my PT school friends for a Welcome Home Party for our great friends coming home from Uganda, Christmas Day with Michael's family, lunch in Vicksburg with 2 of my dearest friends, and hosting my wonderful family for 5 days at New Years (including a surprise visit from my sister!). It was a wonderful month to say the least! I rang in 2012 with a vicious stomach virus followed up by a nasty cold, but I must say I couldn't be happier!
Over the past couple of years, big holidays like Christmas and New Years have been hard on me. It seems like I would always catch myself saying, "Well, SURELY, by this time next year we will have a baby or at least be pregnant!" Then, it would be Christmas again and still no baby and still no positive pregnancy test. It's hard to believe that 3 Christmases have passed with that longing desire lingering in our hearts. I would catch myself getting lost in watching the children open their presents, hearing their squeals and laughter, longing to have a part in the joy with a child of our own. I would feel so sorry for myself and get in the car and cry the whole way home to our empty house. This Christmas was different. Although the desire is still in my heart and stronger than ever, I am at peace. I know we will have a child soon. I have never been so sure of anything. At the urging of our church, Michael and I read the bible through in 2011. Believe it or not, this was the first time I have ever read the bible in its entirety. I have started the task many times, but I always seemed to get bogged down in Leviticus or Numbers and fizzle out. With God's help, I made it through this year, and I'm so thankful. During my very last week of my daily bible readings, God slapped me across the face again. This is what He said...
"I am GOD. At the right time, I'll make it happen." (Isaiah 60 of The Message)
Isn't that powerful? I know we will have a child because God Himself gave me this desire that nearly has me bursting at the seems with love overflowing to pour out on a child. He gave me this desire, and HE is GOD. At the right time, His time, He WILL make it happen. As I give friends and family the tour of our new home and we come across the empty 4th bedroom, I proudly exclaim, "This IS the nursery." I don't say, "This will be the nursery if we ever have children" like I used to say in our old house. Because I now know with confidence that we will have children....God's children.
Michael and I are still awaiting a word from God concerning our adoption. We are still praying about domestic verses international adoption, and we discuss it daily, but God has yet to give us a confirming word. It is very overwhelming when trying to choose where to adopt from because we want to be sure to get the exact child that God has picked out for us. For this reason, we know we cannot make the decision in hast or on our own. We want to be sure it comes from Him. We jokingly say that we wish our doorbell would ring one night, and we would find a baby in a basket sitting on our doorstep with a note from God saying this is the one. :-) But, we also know that a part of this whole journey is God drawing us closer to Him and building a reliance on Him that we've never known before. I smile as I think of all that God has already accomplished in us during this "curse" of infertility. He knows exactly what He is doing, and for that, I am thankful.
In our desperation to hear His voice concerning our adoption, we are together doing the "Discerning the Voice of God" bible study by Priscilla Shirer. This week we have learned:
1. To anticipate the voice of God. We must expect to hear from Him.
"I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart: And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me." Habakkuk 2:1
2. To wait patiently to hear God's voice (something I am struggling with right now as I am ready to get the process started!)
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:14
3. To plan to obey it. Once we hear God, we must obey Him.
"Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man."
Matthew 7:24
4. To listen for it. We can't do all of the talking in prayer. We must listen for Him to speak.
"As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut! He is in heaven, and you are only here on Earth. So let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:1-2
5. To have faith in it. Believe that what God tells you is best. Have faith in Him.
"The word they heard did not profit them because it was not united by faith in those who heard."
Hebrews 4:2
Good stuff, isn't it? I would ask that you would please pray for us as we are longing to determine God's path for us in the adoption process. We know that it is a long, sometimes hard road, and we are ready to get started. We have been investigating different adoption agencies, but we will not choose our agency until we know where we will be adopting from. I'm hoping that in my next post, I will be able to tell you where we will be going to bring our baby home!
